Exploring London

I spent a year in London, which means a year to get myself into the dating live in such a wonderful city to meet wonderful new people.  I naturally got myself into a mess, very shortly after I arrived.

            I officially lived two different dating lives.  I worked hard to keep up, because it’s been fun to just keep running.  If each of them only knew.

            I knew that the minute I met S I was pulled in.  I didn’t need time to get to know him, or get to know us.  I couldn’t get him out of my mind.  I couldn’t get that first night away from any of my daily thoughts.  I felt so venerable.  I knew right away he could smell my obsession and I hated wearing it on my face, but I couldn’t do a thing to stop it.

            When I meet M I was intrigued.  I liked the give and take, the fact that it was so guanine, and simple.  But while smiling, it also became boring. Quickly.

            So what was I to do?  S jumped in and out of my life when most convenient for him.  He knew I melted when he got around to calling, he could hear me smiling on the other line.  M was more steady, and in general just a more stable person.  So why would I let him go? As sick as this sounds I couldn’t let M get away, knowing that I had such a great guy in my life who really wanted all of me as often as he could. 

            S became almost as frequent as M for sometime.  They inconveniently lived just a few blocks away from one another in north London.  I walked quickly each morning I left either one of their flats; just terrified I’d see either one.  As soon as the train took off, I was safe once again.

            When I moved back to the states in April I realized I never regretted what I did.  I never looked back and wished I did it differently.  I lived in the moment, I lived for fun and for once I lived for me.  No one got hurt and both knew I was headed back eventually.  Bottom line, I was only in London for a year and I just wanted to live.

Where is the excitement?

I clicked with someone exactly my age late last month.  Two 21 years olds, who were weirdly born on the very same day in February.  I wasn’t really sure how this would all play out, considering I haven’t dated anyone less than seven or eight years older than me in a while.  But I thought my snobby, too good for college boys attitude might need to go.  I somehow forget I still have a year to go, I still need to keep reminding myself.

 

I met M in Chicago actually, about a month ago.  I was on a random visit and met him on a random night out.  We had fun and as soon as I went back to Wisconsin he texted constantly.  He asked to come visit for a night and again I put my attitude away and embraced the potentially awkward one night visit.  But it wasn’t really that awkward at all.  I have a great ability however to determine my feelings immediately.  These guys in my life fall into categories, well two categories.  Head over heals and I can appreciate him from what he is category.

 

So I knew I could have fun with M and appreciate this whole situation for what it was. So after our one not awkward night I was offered a ride to Chicago and took it.  We were jumping from 24 hours together to a whole 48 hours together but I figured why not.  Then I quickly realized why not.

 

You can only spend so much time with someone you don’t really like.  You might be able to push it but either you’ll end up bored or disappointed.  If he isn’t in the head over heals category after three or four nights together, wake up and ask yourself what’s the point?  That is exactly what I did.

 

After a boring, uneventful, unromantic weekend I got back to Madison well aware that I would have nothing to do with this guy ever again.  Most of all I realized I don’t care in the least bit.

interesting first date topic

I met D at a local bar on a Monday night.  He came my way, immediately I was thrilled by the gesture.  He was already sitting down when I arrived and I didn’t know what to expect.  I ordered Merlot.  I hadn’t decided yet if I had plans to order another one later on.  I eventually did.

 

He seemed older, and interesting.  He seemed different.  The chemistry was on target, and we didn’t run out of first date questions.  After we talked about the basics, he brought up the unbasic.  This was unexpected at to the first date table.

 

Talking about our travels and our locations, he hesitated.  D, the older and the interesting had just arrived out of prison a few months prior. A drug case, he got into against his own will, yada yada yada.  Check please?  Hold the second glass that I ordered two minutes prior? 

 

However, I want to tell you I did what any mother would want her 21 year old daughter to do in a moment where she was sitting in front of a 31 year old criminal.  But I didn’t want to leave.  So I stuck with my second glass and continued to enjoy my time.  This was what blind dating was all about right? 

 

So again I would like to tell you I didn’t make out with him in the car and that I never saw him again.  But as it goes, he falls into that take it for what it is, have fun with it category.  And that is what I did.    

virtually dating

What is dating in college?  What does it mean for people who are in a transitional period in their life?  What does it mean for the people trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives?  On top of all that, who has time to figure out who they want to be with?  So should you consider dating that guy who finds you acceptable at the end of the bar, or who buys you a drink but really expects to have nothing more to do with you after the sun comes up?  Or the guy in your English class you have a short fling with but realize all you have in common is you attend the same University and just happened to be seated next to each other on day one?

 

So this is when you have to figure out what you want.  But how do you learn to sort through the potential, the semi potential and the absolutely nots?  If you don’t learn now, when were you planning on doing so?  It’s about stepping out of your comfort zone.  It’s about taking that plunge.  To meet a new potential, who doesn’t know someone you know, who isn’t in your circle of friends.  Why is this such a scary thought?

 

I created a User Name and a Password, a list of things I wanted, what I liked and who I liked.  I completed my online dating profile, making sure to include that I was a summer intern for this online dating company.  Let the semi-blind dating begin I told myself, because this is semi part of my job, right?

 

I jumped right into it and wondered what the opportunities might be for me, a 21-year-old girl, with a plane ticket to return to the Midwest for college come late August.  I started connecting with people immediately, setting up dates for the next day, and the day after that.  I started to see online dating not only as a way to figure out what I want, from who I want it, but also a social networking tool too.  I started meeting people who knew no one I knew.  I realized the Jewish community was bigger than I thought, exceeding my expectations.  I explored the city, with people I met ten minutes before.  I felt comfortable immediately meeting people I felt I already knew, virtually.

 

Dating at my age is taboo.  Actually sitting down with someone who you know very little about and having a conversation over coffee is rarely done.  It’s not dating anymore; hooking up without actually getting to know the person is what it’s become.

 

So when college is over, and one night stands aren’t as available, what happens then?  Do people start creating their first date questions at 22, 23?

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