Casual Fling

It started out as any casual fling would.  He asked me to dinner, I accepted, we went to an Italian place two blocks away.  A friend of a friend, who I’ve known for years, but never really pictured as more than that.  When he asked when he could see me again, I ordered another glass of merlot and tried to see if we’d fit the frame.  I wasn’t sure yet.

 

So he called, immediately.  It was refreshing.  A week had gone by, we hadn’t even slept together and he was helping me with my Physics exam and taking me on cute ice cream dates.  But it all happened so fast.  I hadn’t had a moment to think about what I wanted, but I knew what he wanted.  I was bombarded.  When he said he’d call at nine, he called at eight fifty.  When I completed my test at four, sure enough I’d have a text waiting for me when I was exiting the building.  Slow down.

 

Click here to continue reading

Change in feelings…

On the first night of my sophomore year a group of my closest friends dressed up to have fun.  We had dinner with a group of guys two years older than us who were friends of friends.  I immediately was drawn to D who I spotted as soon as we sat down.  We were yelling at each other from across the table just to pick up a few facts about one another. From the northern suburbs of Chicago, Jewish, and his plans for the following year involved med school.  Great, perfect and intriguing. 

 

As the night progressed, the perfect on paper guy really pulled me in.  He was charming, funny and interested in living life.  I was sold.  We spent the night together, did the awkward number exchange in the morning and that was basically it.  Why do they request a number when they never plan on calling?

 

Click here to continue reading…

Starting it all…

I remember how it all started.  I remember my nerves conflicting with my excitement.  I didn’t know how to feel anything but anxious.  I remember smiling though unfamiliar faces and laughing through the first few nights out.  My college life was just getting started.  I was a freshman at the University of Wisconsin, Madison.  I didn’t know what I wanted to be or who I wanted to be.  The best part of that is, I didn’t need to. 

 

I ended my first serious relationship with the first love of my life shortly into the semester.  My regret of losing the only person to understand me completely at that time drifted quickly.  I became obsessed with the casualness of college and with the ability to start over with the unknown.  I remember how exhilarating it was, to explore this idea of suddenly being free from an attachment that was too mature for the immature couple we were.  I look back now and giggle at the thought of an eighteen year old believing she knew what she wanted in a companion.  I’m almost twenty two and I’m still not completely sure, yet I’m positive that’s okay.

 

Click here to continue reading

Weekend Trip…

I decided some weeks ago to take a mini vacation to Minneapolis, Minnesota.  I rented a car, packed a bag of fall clothing, fun junk food and hit the highway going west.  One speeding ticket and a minor fender bender later (no comment, no comment) I had completed my five hour drive.

 

I have several family members in this part of the Midwest and when I’m at school this is as close to home as I can get.  I also have created groups of friends in this city, and of course if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking, you already know me too well.

 

I have had an on again off again fling with B since the start of my college career.  A family friend that I became immediately attracted to when we first met.  A led to B and B led to C and before you knew, you know it.  We see each other here and their and he pulls me back every time.  The one I know is all wrong for me but when we become close all I know is how right it feels.  The one who is going no where in life, but I still desire what I can get.  The one I lower my standards for because I let my sense of humor take control.

 

So I didn’t exactly make the trip for B, however my intentions were to see him at some point between my family dinners and socializing.  Well B is always on his own agenda, it’s always about him.  Maybe that’s why I’m so drawn.  It’s always a struggle to make actual plans and until now I’ve put up with it. 

 

The three days went by and I was strung along, hour by hour. I promised myself at a certain hour each night I’d shut off my phone and not wait for the 2 am call.  I promised myself that this would be the time I would come to my senses and realize I’m too good for maybe later or I’ll call you in an hour.  Because one hour always leads to two or three.

 

I never saw B.  I had five hours of open road to get my thoughts going.  As I headed back East I slowed down this time.  Half way through my drive he called again, and I rejected the call immediately.  Whether he be a friend, a fling or just a flakey person in my life I won’t stand for it.  I have become so selfless in our…situation…and he approaches every situation selfishly.  Life doesn’t work that way.  At least mine doesn’t.  I live by my calendar and my to do list.  Sure, maybe I shouldn’t plan every movement of my life, but I know I’m a person that wants a general idea of what comes next. 

 

When I got home, I’ll tell you what came next.  Although this is highly 11^th grade of me, I sat in my slightly smashed up vehicle and deleted every old text, new text and phone number of B’s.  I couldn’t place any other feeling then liberation.  This is gotta be it, I told myself, you’ve gotta know better.  Well, as for my next plan.  I’ve got a few in mind.    Stay strong and continue ignoring any signs of weakness next time a unknown Minneapolis number comes through, ignore immediately.