I decided some weeks ago to take a mini vacation to Minneapolis, Minnesota. I rented a car, packed a bag of fall clothing, fun junk food and hit the highway going west. One speeding ticket and a minor fender bender later (no comment, no comment) I had completed my five hour drive.
I have several family members in this part of the Midwest and when I’m at school this is as close to home as I can get. I also have created groups of friends in this city, and of course if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking, you already know me too well.
I have had an on again off again fling with B since the start of my college career. A family friend that I became immediately attracted to when we first met. A led to B and B led to C and before you knew, you know it. We see each other here and their and he pulls me back every time. The one I know is all wrong for me but when we become close all I know is how right it feels. The one who is going no where in life, but I still desire what I can get. The one I lower my standards for because I let my sense of humor take control.
So I didn’t exactly make the trip for B, however my intentions were to see him at some point between my family dinners and socializing. Well B is always on his own agenda, it’s always about him. Maybe that’s why I’m so drawn. It’s always a struggle to make actual plans and until now I’ve put up with it.
The three days went by and I was strung along, hour by hour. I promised myself at a certain hour each night I’d shut off my phone and not wait for the 2 am call. I promised myself that this would be the time I would come to my senses and realize I’m too good for maybe later or I’ll call you in an hour. Because one hour always leads to two or three.
I never saw B. I had five hours of open road to get my thoughts going. As I headed back East I slowed down this time. Half way through my drive he called again, and I rejected the call immediately. Whether he be a friend, a fling or just a flakey person in my life I won’t stand for it. I have become so selfless in our…situation…and he approaches every situation selfishly. Life doesn’t work that way. At least mine doesn’t. I live by my calendar and my to do list. Sure, maybe I shouldn’t plan every movement of my life, but I know I’m a person that wants a general idea of what comes next.
When I got home, I’ll tell you what came next. Although this is highly 11th grade of me, I sat in my slightly smashed up vehicle and deleted every old text, new text and phone number of B’s. I couldn’t place any other feeling then liberation. This is gotta be it, I told myself, you’ve gotta know better. Well, as for my next plan. I’ve got a few in mind. Stay strong and continue ignoring any signs of weakness next time a unknown Minneapolis number comes through, ignore immediately.
